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Section:
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Notes

  1. HTML notes
  2. MPE/V product list
  3. Video of HP3000 SkyDive Test (wmv) (mov) (3000NewsWire Story)
  4. OverPunch notes
  5. Aventures with SSI
    Discoveries of using Server Side Includes with Apache 1.3 on MPE and Microsoft IIS/6.0
    Download the files: (Right click, Save target as - watch your saved extension!) testssi.shtm testssi.htm testssi2.shtm testssi.xls
  6. DBE sample
    A quick sample session, creating a DBE on an Image DB, using ISQL to select data, and cleanup - removing all the Allbase/SQL files.
  7. Opening DDS tape cartridges
  8. Replacing HP A2941A 600 VA PowerTrust UPS batteries (a picture story)
  9. Replacing Micro3000 XE UPS batteries (a picture story)
  10. Cobol Symbolic Debug example
  11. Phonetic Alphabet notes
  12. HP3000 End of Support Letter - Nov 14, 2001
  13. The HP Way - June 1997 - Provided by HP Computer Museum
  14. HP Roman-8(9) charset
  15. HP Songs (pdf) (Original jpg1 jpg2)

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OAUG Papers

Two papers/presentations I made to the Oracle Users Group while at Valtek. 3k hat

eXegeSys Inc. Lab Notes

These are short "Lab Notes" that I wrote while working on the eRP (HPMMII) product suite of eXegeSys Inc.
  1. 10/1998 pdf Product Versions
  2. 01/1999 pdf Version ID
  3. 04/1999 pdf Version History
  4. 07/1999 pdf Acronyms
  5. 01/2000 pdf Query UDP: Dateproc
  6. 04/2000 pdf Renaming your Tool account
  7. 07/2000 pdf Customer Survey
  8. 10/2000 pdf Image Logging for MNT
  9. 01/2001 pdf Commands for TIP
  10. 07/2000 pdf Don't Touch that Dial!
  11. 10/2001 pdf A0 Dates in SQL
  12. 01/2002 pdf ODBC Setup
  13. 04/2002 pdf How to Excel with your Data
  14. 07/2002 pdf EPOXI run-aways
  15. 10/2002 pdf e... !
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NewsWire Appearances

NewsWire Logo
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HP3000-L favorite posts

(From cctalk@classiccmp.org)
   From: Rik Bos 
   To: 'General Discussion: On-Topic and Off-Topic Posts' 
   Sent: Monday, April 19, 2010 02:57 AM
   Subject: RE: Suggestions for repairing HP tape drive capstans?

   Classic >1960 HP serials always mention the country of production.
   Format XX (year +1960) XX (month) Y (country code) XXXXXXXXXXXX (serial)
   2823G123456 made year 1988 week 23 in Germany serial 123456
   A = USA
   G = Germany
   F = France
   S = Signapore
   B = Brazil

   From - Wed, 20 Oct 2004 15:54:04
   Date: Wed, 20 Oct 2004 11:49:24 -0400
   From: Mark Wonsil 
   Subject: [HP3000-L] OT: Humo(u)r
   To: HP3000-L@RAVEN.UTC.EDU
 
   Being of the same persuasion, I offer:
 
 
   A Pole goes to the ophthalmologist who shows him the following eye chart:
 
 
           C Z W X N Q S T A C Z
 
 
   "Can you read this", the doctor asks?
 
 
   "Read it?", the Pole replies, "I know the guy!"

   From owner-HP3000-L@RAVEN.UTC.EDU Tue Oct  8 22:01:29 1996
   Date:    Tue, 8 Oct 1996 17:43:57 -0700
   From:    Jeff Kell 
   Subject: Re: Interesting date

   Ken Paul wrote:
   > For those of you not in digest mode you missed the following bit of information:
   >
   > >Date:     Sun, 2 Oct 2016 07:23:22 -0400
 
   Darn, I almost thought I was going to get away with it :-)

   > Jeff,  Any idea why this date happened?

   Not long ago, after introducing the web search interface, someone
   commented that response was amazingly fast.  Now we're caught red-handed
   with the first Trans-Warp (tm) Millenium (tm) processor we have been
   doing beta-testing for the secretive HP-NASA-DoD-United Federation of
   Planets venture startup corporation.  The containment field was
   momentarily compromised, and time/space was distorted in the immediate
   vicinity of the processor.

   Either that, or there was a misconfigured network time sync service
   being tested on the NT machine.  Take your pick :-)

   Jeff Kell <jeff-kell@utc.edu>
   

   From:    Jerry Fochtman [jfochtma@BRADMARK.COM]
   Sent:    Sun, Apr 12, 1998 7:09 AM
   To:      HP3000-L@RAVEN.UTC.EDU
   Subject: [HP3000-L] This just in.....
   I only report 'em.... ;-)

   There was a great loss today in the entertainment world. The man
   who wrote the song "Hokey Pokey" died. What was really horrible
   is that they had trouble keeping the body in the casket.  They'd
   put his left leg in.....well, you know the rest.


   From:    Denys Beauchemin 
   Sent:    Wednesday, July 16, 2014 12:05 PM
   Subject: 45 years ago today...

   Apollo 11 lifted off.


   From: Craig Fransen 
   Sent: Wednesday, July 16, 2014 12:31 PM
   Subject: Re: 45 years ago today...

   Yes, and our family plans on taking our now traditional trip to the
   moon colony (Colony Five, actually) for our vacation this fall.
   I've heard the new Harrah's complex really outshines the dated Mandarin
   in Colony Two.  My dad has been in the low-grav care facility in Three
   for eight years now and it's a treat to visit.  While my wife enjoys the
   casino, I have time to finally take the tour of Heinlein Observatory.
   I've heard it's spectacular.


   Oh wait ... how did that not happen?



   From:    Simpkins, Terry
   To:      HP3000-L@RAVEN.UTC.EDU
   Subject: [HP3000-L] OT: Friday Humor - Heaviest Element
   Date:    Fri, 13 Feb 2009 11:10:16 -0500

   The Heaviest Element

   */Lawrence Livermore Laboratories/* has discovered the heaviest element
   yet known to science. The new element, *Governmentium*(symbol=Gv), has
   one *neutron*, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198
   assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

   These 312 particles are held together by forces called *morons*, which
   are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called
   *peons*.

   Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be
   detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into
   contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would
   normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years
   to complete.

   Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 to 6 years. It does not decay,
   but instead undergoes a *reorganization* in which a portion of the
   assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places In fact,
   Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each
   reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming
   *isodopes*.

   This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe
   that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical
   concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as *critical
   morass*.

   When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes *Administratium*
   (symbol=Ad), an element that radiates just as much energy as
   Governmentium, since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

   From:    Mark Wonsil
   To:      HP3000-L@RAVEN.UTC.EDU
   Subject: [HP3000-L] OT: Weekend Humo(u)r
   Date:    Sat, 3 Dec 2005 16:40:20 -0500

   It was October and the Indians on a remote reservation asked their new Chief
   if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was Chief in a
   modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets.  he looked at the
   sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going to like. Nevertheless, to be
   on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be
   cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be
   prepared.

   But being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to
   the phone booth, called the National Weather Service, and asked, "Is the
   coming winter going to be cold?"

   "It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold," the meteorologist at
   the weather service responded.

   So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more
   firewood in order to be prepared.  A week later he called the National
   Weather Service again. "Does it still look like it is going to be a very
   cold winter?"

   "Yes," the man at the National Weather Service again replied, "it's going to
   be a very cold winter."

   The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every
   scrap of firewood they could find.

   Two weeks later the Chief called the National Weather Service again.  "Are
   you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?

   "Absolutely," the man replied. "It's looking more and more like it is going
   to be one of the coldest winters ever."

   "How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.

   The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting firewood like crazy."

   From:    joe andress
   To:      HP3000-L@RAVEN.UTC.EDU
   Subject: [HP3000-L] Mid Week Humor
   Date: Wed, 13 Aug 2003 10:47:25 -0500

   A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet dachshund
   along for company. One day, the dachshund starts chasing butterflies and before long
   the dachshund discovers that he is lost. 
   So, wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the
   obvious intention of having lunch. The dachshund thinks, "OK, I'm in deep trouble now!" 

   Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settles down to chew
   on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap,
   the dachshund exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there 
   are any more around here." 

   Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, as a look of terror comes over
   him, and slinks away into the trees. "Whew," says the leopard. "That was close. That 
   dachshund nearly had me." 

   Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree figures he
   can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. 
   So, off he goes. 

   But the dachshund saw him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figured that
   something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and
   strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. 

   The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back
   and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine." 

   Now the dachshund sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks, 
   "What am I going to do now?" 

   But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he
   hasn't seen them yet ... and just when they get close enough to hear, the dachshund says,
   "Where's that friggin' monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard."

   From: Denys Beauchemin
   To: HP3000-L@RAVEN.UTC.EDU
   Subject: Re: [HP3000-L] Y2K = Apocalypse?
   Date: Mon, 11 Jan 1999 12:11:51 -0600

   Just remember, Atlantis disappeared on the first day of their 400th year.
   The computer controlling the flood gates (it was a JCN-compatible design
   running Fenestra 98), had the date turn to 320 (the date of the first PC)
   instead of 400 and it let the gates open wide.  The computer was not Y4C
   compliant.  Repeated, frenetic attempts at rebooting the box were meant
   with utter failure and within a few minutes the waters of the Atlantic
   Ocean had engulfed the entire continent of Atlantis.

3k hat

Technical Terms and quotes introduced by HP3000 professionals

James Trudeau
HP3000-L, Thu, 1 May 1997
...52 blocks of hosed (technical term for set to binary zeros)...
Denys Beauchemin
HP3000-L, Thu, 5 Jun 1997
...junk, (sorry, technical term here, make that stuff),...
Lee Gunter
HP3000-L, Wed, 18 Jun 1997
KANA: n. Scottish word meaning inability - for example, 'I kana believe you sign your name so strangely ...'.
Michael L Gueterman
HP3000-L, Mon, 20 Oct 1997
...and the message is bogus (that's a technical term for "in error"...
Wirt Atmar
HP3000-L, Wed, 22 Oct 1997
Gozanga! (a technical term),...
F. Alfredo Rego
HP3000-L, Thu, 4 Dec 1997
Life is too short to be spent as a cog in somebody else's machine.
Denys Beauchemin
HP3000-L, Wed, 11 Feb 1998
Windows NT is indeed a pig (technical term here folks)...
Terry Simpkins
HP3000-L, Fri, 13 Feb 1998
...due to a "big mail booboo" (technical term)...
Denys Beauchemin
HP3000-L, Fri, 15 May 1998
...had screwed up (technical term)...
John Burke
HP3000-L, Tue, 18 Aug 1998
...then you are hosed.<--"highly technical term"
Art H Bahrs
HP3000-L, Tue, 13 Oct 1998
...needing some settings to be tweaked (technical term...
James L Trudeau
HP3000-L, Wed, 25 Nov 1998]
The technical term is "It's broke".
Jim Phillips
HP3000-L, Sat, 12 Dec 1998
...to ensure that everything is okey-dokey (technical term).
Bill Grefe
HP3000-L, Wed, 3 Feb 1999
...long ordeal with a flaky (technical term) 2gb disc drive...
Denys Beauchemin
HP3000-L, Mon, 12 Apr 1999
...and diddle (sorry for the technical term here) the bit map.
Bruce Toback
HP3000-L, Fri, 22 Oct 1999
The surest way to render the data on the tapes unrecoverable is to develop a sudden need to recover some. This has always worked for me.
Jim Phillips
HP3000-L, Fri, 22 Oct 1999
...we bought an electric magnetizer/eraser doo-dad (technical term!)
Jeff Mikolai
HP3000-L, Thu, 11 Dec 1999
...was on the fritz (technical term)
Bill Lancaster
HP3000-L, Tue, 8 Aug 2000
...by our standards anyway, sucks (a technical term)...
Gavin Scott
Tue, 22 Aug 2000
The great thing about Open Source software is that you can have any color screen of death that you want.
Jeff Woods
HP3000-L, Thu, 24 Aug 2000
You mean there's a sequence of operators and identifiers that C won't compile?!
Glenn Cole
HP3000-L, Thu, 24 Aug 2000
(*(long long *)&fcp)++
If THAT doesn't scare people away from learning C.... ;)
Denys Beauchemin
HP3000-L, Thu, 19 Apr 2001
...that will not crap out on me (sorry for the technical term.)
James Hofmeister
HP3000-L, Sat, 6 Oct 2001
The technical term I use for this problem is the network was "Sucking Wind"
Gavin Scott
Fri, 14 Dec 2001
When you rewrite the universe, you can pick any laws of physics that you like :-)
Donna Garverick
HP3000-L, Tue, 5 Aug 2003
...is wigging-out (technical term :-)...
Walter Murray
HP3000-L, Mon, 18 Oct 2004
That causes COBOL to mess up ("mess up" is a highly technical compiler term :-)
Jeff Kell
HP3000-L, Thu, 16 Jun 2005
May the source be with you ...
Fred White (by Mark Wonsil)
HP3000-L, Wed, 17 Aug 2005
There is no such thing as relational, network, or hierarchical databases; there's just relational, network, or hierarchical interfaces to data stores.
William Brandt
HP3000-L, Thu, 28 Sep 2006
...and barfed. (that's the technical term)...
Donna Hofmeister
HP3000-L, Wed, 7 Mar 2007
mpe is what unix hopes to be when it grows up ;-) -d
Stan Sieler
HP3000-L, Tue, 8 May 2007
Every now and then we find an intrinsic that's documented to Unix standards :)
Mark Wonsil
Mon, 13 Jun 2011
Sorry about dorking up the link...
Mark Wonsil
Wed, 15 Jun 2011
...when the Task Manager is dorked.
Deron Funk
Thu, 30 May 2013
(Subject: Google Glass) ...and Apple will join the fray with....iGlasses.
Gavin Scott
Tue, 17 Sep 2013
(Subject: Cisco VPN) ...so every time you install or uninstall another piece of software you run the risk of irrevocably borking the Cisco client.
Neil Harvey
Fri, 19 Sep 2014
(Subject: Wireless mouse) I can't find them on hp's website, so maybe they were discontinued because they worked too well......
Steve Cooper
Tue, 27 Jan 2015
(Subject: Computer History Museum lessons on the use of slide rules) The tour and lessons will last 1.73 hours. Or, maybe 17.3 hours. Or it could be .173 hours. Hard to know for sure.

3k hat

Just for Fun


   Subject: Wong for a thousand years.
   Date:    Fri, 19 Dec 2008 08:59:19 -0700

   A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other
   monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.

   He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from
   the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question
   this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first
   copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in
   all of the subsequent copies.

   The head monk, says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries,
   but you make a good point, my son."

   He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original
   manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened
   for hundreds of years.

   Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot . . .



   So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him
   banging his head against the wall and wailing.
   "We missed the R !  
   We missed the R !
   We missed the R !"

   His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying  uncontrollably. The
   young monk asks the old abbot, "What's wrong, father?"

   With a choking voice, the old abbot replies, "The word was...



   "CELEBRATE !!!" 


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