KAOS IN CE KLASRUM
by Dolton Edwards
Reader's Digest Treasury for Young Readers, 1961
Adapted from Astonding Stories

   You must ofter have thought English spelling
is harder than need be.  Just look at words like
cough, plough, rough, through and thorough. The
great writer Bernard Shaw wanted us to change
out alphabet. Here is one way of doing it.
   In the first year, for example, we would suggest
using "s" instead of soft "c". Sertainly all students
in all sities of the land would reseive this news
with joy.
   Then the hard "c" would be replased by "k",
sinse both letters are pronounsed alike. Not only
would this klear up the konfusion in the minds
of spellers, but typewriters kould all be built with
one less letter.
   There would be great exsitement when it was
as last announsed that the troublesome "ph"
would henseforth be written "f". This would
make words like fotograf twenty persent shorter
in print.
   In the third year publik interest in a new alfabet
kan be expekted to have reatshed a point
where more komplikated tshanges are nesessary.
We would urge removing double leters whitsh
have always ben a nuisanse and made speling
more difikult.
   We would al agre that the horible mes of silent
"e"'s in our language is disgraseful. Therfor, we
kould drop thes and kontinu to read and writ
merily along as though we wer in an atomik ag
of edukation. Sins by this tim it would be four
years sins anywun had used the leter "c", we
would then urg substituting "c" for "th".
   Kontinuing cis proses year after year, we would
eventuali hav a reali sensibl writen languag. After
twenti years wi ventyur tu sa cer wud bi no mor
uv ces teribl trublsum difikultis. Even Mr. Yaw
wi beliv wud be hapi in ce noleg cat his drims
finali kam tru.